Love may come many a times in our lives, but the ecstasy and exuberance of first love is the most delicate and memorable among all. First love is perhaps the most intimate feeling that human being share because the time is not ripen yet to see the light of the rough hard core business minded artificial and ruthless world. So the tender soul adjust the softness of the this emotion, which occurs in your heart during adolescence.

A guy awaits for a girl at the gate of the school, from where she gets out everyday and goes back to her home. The lad follows the maiden and ultimately his eyes are in the quest for her face all day long. His mind always paints pink dreams of her rosy cheeks, he hears the violin strings with the way she talks and the fragrance of her hair keeps pampering his nose. These stories never stop to get repeated. Love may come like the breeze as well as like the storm but when it comes at last, it is an absolutely wonderful emotion and the young minds keep drowned in this. Desires are gradually poking one's temperament and often it seems impossible to ignore them.

"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."... says Benjamin Disraeli. This ignorant, naive, childlike mind plays with these naughty and gay emotions of adolescence when Cupid's arrow strike somebody for the first time at even the 'first sight of the beloved', which we call love at first sight. Theoretically first love can happen in any age or not happen at all. But most people had fallen in love for the first time when they were teenagers. That exciting new experience most of us remember very well during all our life. For an adult his/her own high school problems and the problems of their children seem very funny, silly and simple especially compared with all the difficulties of adult life. Somehow we forget how tragic and full of drama life and relationships were than in our adolescence.


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"First love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity."...says George Bernard Shaw. Actually the adolescent mind is full of curiosity and it finds mystery in almost every event of the world. Therefore when the emotion of love, attraction of mental and physical desires occur for the first time the curiosity and rebelliousness reaches to its height and often attempts something really radical. It can be very happily end into a long term relationship as well as it may result in painful break ups.

People say first love is one of the most uniquely unforgettable things. One may forget everything but not his or her first love. This is not a utopian notion but those who have experienced this once in lifetime, have considered this as the fact. They may left their lovers a long time ago... after that, when they are peacefully settled and living with their families... they still cherish the sovereign and purest of the memories of their first love. When for the first time the break ups happen to anyone, it pains a lot, because the joy and ecstasy one enjoys from the first experience ever of falling in love is like fresh flowers, the perfume is strong and exhibit a extraordinarily long lasting effect.

When We First Met...
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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emily_Johnson

Labels: The Magic of First Love

Love as they say is blind . In times of Love its difficult to think about yourself . So sytrong is the desire to feel for your sweetheart that at times you do hate yourself secretly for not being able to express your own individuality . But Love is firstly about loving your own self . Unless You do not love and respect your own feelings and thoughts . It would be difficult to love and express your true feelings . Here are a few thoughts on maintaining your Individuality in Love.

What is the distinction between mature love and a common misconception of what love is: the symbiotic relationship? Mature love is stable, a union of two people who respect themselves and each other. Symbiotic love is needy and dependent. Symbiotic relationships demand that one person has power over another. This results in the loss of the integrity of both partners. Mature love means that both individuals in the partnership have room to be themselves, even while being together. In the symbiotic relationship, one partner is driven by need and fear that the other partner will leave. In mature love, each partner is free and whole, choosing, rather than being driven, to give love to the other partner.

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Mature love requires giving your love with no strings attached, with no expectations. Many of us have learned from society that to give means "to give up" or "to give away" -- in essence, creating a deficit in ourselves. Further, we learn to give only as much as we expect to receive in return, lest we end up feeling cheated by giving more. Giving, as it exists in mature love, is quite different from these types of messages we have received. Rather than being seen as a sacrifice or an investment in future returns, giving in mature love comes from a desire to give and an ability to do so. In the words of Erich Fromm, author of The Art of Loving published in 1956, "Giving is the highest expression of potency... more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness."

In a symbiotic relationship, one partner gives up a significant part of himself or herself in order to maintain a peaceful relationship. This individual, ruled by a fear of being alone, will sacrifice parts of his or her identity for the sake of keeping the relationship intact. Short-term conflict is avoided, and the status quo is maintained. In the long run, though, there is a price to be paid: the loss of one's individuality. If one partner idolizes the other and is willing to sacrifice himself more completely, then the other partner has more power and control over the relationship. When the balance of power is unequal, the relationship becomes unsatisfying for both partners; almost inevitably, it ends. There are a lot of people willing to give up an awful lot to avoid being alone. They are willing to give up who they are, what they are, and what they want and need. They are willing to sacrifice their individuality for the love of another.

Any person who is willing to make such a sacrifice lacks self-love, and thus is incapable of maintaining a mature, loving relationship. Self-love is where love for others has to start. Giving up your individuality will eventually come back to haunt you; you will end up feeling anger, resentment, and/or regret. The outcome of one partner resenting the other is the deterioration of the relationship. People need relationships, but they also need to be fulfilled within themselves. When you give up your dreams for the sake of your partner's, you do so at the cost of your own individuality and personal growth.

Love Shines Forever !
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When you enter into a relationship, it does not mean that your personal life stops. Your life does not totally change because you are with another person. You have to maintain your own individuality. You have to have your own personal goals. You need to maintain the friendships, hobbies and interests that you had before you met your partner. If you give these up for the sake of your relationship, you are giving up your life. When your partner first met you, they were attracted to you as an individual. It's important that you keep your individuality-- that's what attracted your partner in the first place. Maintaining your individuality will enable you and your partner to build a mature loving relationship.

Many relationships fail today because one partner has given up too much of themselves for the other. You have to love yourself first, before you can love another. If you enter a relationship and give up all the things that define you as an individual, you are not giving yourself the love that you need. Sooner or later, if you lose your identity, if you stop giving to yourself, you will be unable to give to your relationship.

It's important not to confuse identity and individuality with flexibility in your relationship. Individuality is about the things that make you who you are. Flexibility is about compromise. Compromise will always be necessary in any relationship that you have. In order to compromise, you have to be committed to honest communication of your feelings and needs at all times. In building a life together, problems will arise.

Problem solving through honest communication is the key to building a mature, loving relationship. Neither you nor your partner should give up anything that makes you the unique person that you are. It's up to you and your partner to find the balance that you both need to succeed in a rising loving relationship.


Love Is In The Air...
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t is an obvious fact that we can learn and know what true love is. What we are often not aware of though, is that there are different love trends. Does it even matter if we understand love trends? If we are in a happy relationship, then that means it is all fine, right? Yes and No. Although, your love with your partner might run smoothly for a while, it can take a turn we often never expect. This is why knowing about love trends is helpful.

What may have turned you or your partner on at first, might not be a turn on later. How is this possible if they seemed so crazy over certain things before? The reason is quite simple and reasonable. When we first get involved with people, the attraction and lust is so strong (not that it would not be later), that the way one seduces the other is not truly focused on, but simply instantly appreciated, since they are so drawn to one another.

As the relationship proceeds and the bond builds, you will start getting in touch with your own style of loving and expecting your partner to match up to it. At times, this will be just the case. Couples can share the same love trend, but at other times, they can differ. If your trends do differ, do not look at it as negative, but as a way to combine them and form a creative love trend together. It should not be one way or the other. There is no such thing as the wrong way to love, except for obsession, controlling and abuse, of course-which is not love anyway, although some feel it is.

Can't Stay Without You My love !
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How do you even come about recognizing the love personality of yours or your partners? It is not difficult, but does require quite a bit amount of observation. Start by making notes of your romantic qualities and ideas of what great romance, sex and seduction is to you. Do you like walks on the beach and dining at cozy, romantic restaurants? Or do you like setting up your sexual activities by setting up a scene and playing along with it, or just going with the flow? By knowing what trend you follow, you will then be introduced to your romantic identity and know what you need from your partner.

There are several types of love trends that you should know about. It will help you come to a deeper understanding of what type of lover you are and your partner as well. People, whose personalities follow the emotional trend, are lovers who pay attention more to the meaning behind things, instead of the thing itself. A man who does not really care for picnics on the beach may still love the event due to the intention behind it. He sees the effort his mate put into it and sees the love and caring meaning that his mate had when the idea was thought of and planned. Emotional lovers are sensitive and love sharing with their partners and are also very spiritual. They do not hold back from expressing their true feelings.

A Creative trend follower on the other hand, may have some of the same traits as an emotional lover, but focuses more on discovering new things and trying them out, taking risks for a bigger thrill. They love to plan and be a part of interesting activities with their lovers because they like going through adventures and new territories together. These types of lovers are found to be quite exciting because they seem to be more mysterious and full of surprises and imagination.

Then you have the traditional trend follower, who likes to follow the rules of what society considers the right way to handle a relationship. They believe in having one partner, following the dating and romance guides to the point (bringing a girl some flowers when picking her up at the door for a date, just to mention one). They also believe in being organized, being financially responsible and planning the events that will take place in their lives with their partners.

Reasons To Celebrate !
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Guest Blogger:Alina Ruigrok

www.love-sessions.com
Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for love-sessions.com helping those in need for dating, relationship, marital, and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Love and lust are inextricably intertwined. Lust is ground zero for hormones -- it's nature's way of bringing the opposite sexes together to mate. In fact, without lust, it's doubtful that love between a man and a woman would have a chance to prosper at all.I came across this great Post here which dwells on the tips to know if you are in love or its mere lust

The driving force of the sexual imperative bridges the gap between the almost incompatible brain styles of the two sexes. So lust can be seen as one end of a broad continuum, which may or may not culminate in romantic love.

And love is the most ennobling of human emotions -- transcendental, exalted and capable of engendering emotional states, which can make the male of the species "want to be a better man."

Men fight wars over lust, but they make homes and families for love.

For men, lust is a heady experience; the brain goes on hold and red-hot surges of testosterone run the show. Lust -- like love -- is truly blind. This is why, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you're in lust or love; whether she may be "The One," or merely a passing fancy who'll have your blood boiling for only a short while.


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This is because men are perfectly capable of engaging in sex before they forge emotional bonds with a woman -- and those raging hormones can easily disguise themselves as feelings of love.

The real danger is that both lust and love can rob a man of his natural strength and defenses -- and then it's all too easy to hand his male power over to a woman for sex-ploitation .

Lust is especially dangerous because it causes a man to think with his crotch and throw all reason and logic to the wind. When a man's in lust he doesn't care if he and his partner have anything in common. He's not interested in where she comes from or where she's going. His brain is only focused on using his key to unlock the door to the secret cave. If his partner's only in lust, she'll use this against him; but if they're both falling in love, this sexuality is a bond.

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So how can you tell the difference between lust and love? Here are a few tips to help you sort things out.



It's lust if:

You're totally focused on her looks and body
Even before you know her name, you're already fantasizing about what she looks like naked and what it would be like to have sex with her.

You don't care about anything she has to say
It wouldn't make a difference to you if you never had a conversation with her. Furthermore, you don't bother to return her calls promptly and you can easily go for days without talking to her -- until you get horny again.

You only want to be with her to have sex
You make excuses not to spend time with her, except for sex. And if she asks you for a favor, you tell her you're too busy. But if you have to be with her and not have sex, she gets on your nerves and you find yourself fantasizing about other women.

She's your booty call
After you go out trolling for tail with your buddies on Friday night, you then call her at 1 a.m. for some drunken action. Ah, the booty call.

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There are some men who seem to be natural magnets for the opposite sex, attracting women like light does moths. Then there are those other men who have a knack for making females flee, repelling them like maggots do, well, women. And while some suggest that the difference between these two camps comes down to minor personality nuances, those who do so usually fall into the latter category. Read on to find out what women dislike in their object of Love so you'll be able to make a better impression next time around when you go around with Girl whom you love

1. The Needy Guy :
He is overly emotional and shares all his feelings with her right away. The Needy Guy also doubts himself and needs constant reassurance about his relationship, work and friendships.

Why he is so unappealing: Confidence and independence are very sexy traits in a man -- insecurity and dependence are not. Most women look for a strong partner they can lean on. So if you are always leaning on her -- especially in the early stages of a relationship -- she might doubt your ability to do this. And since women tend to come into relationships with all sorts of insecurities, she won't want to deal with yours as well as her own.

What to do if you're that guy: Timing is everything, so you just need to keep your feelings in check at the beginning of the relationship. Try to hold off on sharing all your feelings or divulging your insecurities. Once you are far enough along in the relationship, you can share as much as you want. By that point, she'll appreciate knowing what's on your mind.

2. The Predictable Guy :

Women don't like the Predictable Guy because they know exactly how he'll react to everything. He follows formulas and never wants to do anything differently. For example, he'd never surprise a woman by spontaneously taking her out for the night.

Why he is so unappealing: Women look for a certain amount of unpredictability in a man -- they want a free spirit. This is why some women seem to be drawn to the notorious "bad boy." It's not that they are drawn to his badness exactly, but rather to his unpredictability.

What to do if you're that guy: You don't have to be "bad" or a completely free spirit to win her over. But try to mix things up -- particularly at the beginning of a relationship. Call her and tell her you want to go to the countryside for the day, or for an impromptu meal. After she gets to know you, she won't mind as much if you slip back into your routine a bit. But don't forget to continue to surprise her once in a while -- doing so will keep the relationship fresh.

Your Love Is Precious...
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3. The Arrogant Guy
He has a huge ego and he's condescending. He is also rude -- not necessarily to her, but to anyone he perceives as beneath him. And that's just as bad as being rude directly to her.

Why he is so unappealing: A woman often looks at how a man treats other people to assess his personality. So even though you might be nice to her on a date, she'll be paying attention to how you act with other people too.

What to do if you're that guy: No woman wants to be talked down to, so I shouldn't have to tell you to shed the ego when you are dealing with her directly. But in order to really impress her, you need to treat everyone around you with a certain amount of respect -- because she'll be watching.

4. The Boorish Guy :
The Boorish Guy doesn't try to hide the fact that he's checking out other women while in her presence; he flirts with the waitress and he even goes as far as to brag about his past conquests. Overall, he lacks respect for women.

Why he is so unappealing: Not only is this type of behavior infuriating, it can also be bad for a woman's self-esteem. If you act like this when you are first getting to know a woman, you won't stand a chance.

What to do if you're that guy: If you can't curb this kind of behavior permanently, then you at least have to keep it in check when making a first impression. Keep your flirting and wandering eyes at bay -- and maybe eventually it'll become a habit. Because, truthfully, if you introduce this kind of behavior into a relationship at any point, she won't be pleased.

Beautiful Roses !
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5. The Cheap Guy:

He invites a woman to dinner and then subtly suggests they go Dutch. He never splurges to buy her flowers and he always opts for the cheapest wine. He makes her feel like they're on a tight budget from the very first date.

Why he is so unappealing: Your first few dates should always be carefree; the words "saving" and "budget" shouldn't come up. If she spends the first date picturing a lifetime of penny-pinching with you, you're out of luck.

What to do if you're that guy: Loosen up the purse strings a little when you're courting a woman. You don't need to spend a fortune to make a good impression, but you do need to make her feel like she's special. Flowers are a nice touch once in a while.

You Are The One For Me...
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Here are more creative ways of proposing Your Sweetheart .Read on To Know More


1.Raindrops falling on my head
The Canadian Niagara Falls are an ever popular destination for honeymooners, but few people actually think of it as a great place to ask for your girlfriend's everlasting love.

2. Vegas-Style
Ever thought of going to Sin City to prove your love to each other? This is still one of the most popular locations for couples to get married. But who says you can't get engaged over a game of roulette at the Caesar's Palace?

3. Valentine's Day surprise
Instead of offering a traditional card, flowers and chocolates, why not offer her the greatest sign of love by asking her to marry you? Your girlfriend will surely remember this holiday for the rest of her life.

The only bad part is that it will be hard to surpass this gift every following year.

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4. Indecent proposal
The ultimate way to ask your woman to marry you would be during an intense lovemaking session. Popping the question while bringing her to ecstasy is one of the ultimate thrills for a woman.

Imagine your woman climaxing physically and emotionally. She is not likely to forget that day anytime soon.

5. The love police
Although this one requires quite a bit of work and coordination, getting your girlfriend pulled over by a real cop to give her a "love ticket" is quite unexpected and very original.

Just make sure any outstanding parking tickets are taken care of beforehand.

6. Happy birthday to us
Proposing to her on her birthday is another great way to go about it. And another positive aspect of it, she probably won't notice that you forgot to get her a birthday present.

A Heartfelt Display Of Love

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7. You've got love mail
The Internet era is upon us, driving us to adapt to the technology. So why not send her a love note by email along with the big question?

8. Radio dedication
If you know she listens to the radio at a certain time everyday, making a dedication will work charms with her. Except that this one will have the disc jockey asking your girlfriend to marry you. A good follow-up is to call her while the question is being asked.

If you want to be more personal, you can also ask your girl to marry you live on the air.

9. Take me out to the ball game
Bringing your girlfriend to a Yankees game might not be the most fulfilling experience for her. But just imagine her expression if during the Lucky 7th inning intermission, the stadium big screen is focused on you on one knee asking her to marry you.

This is a great way to have 20,000 people witness your display of love, which is a nice gesture in itself.

This list is by no means exhaustive; people are coming up with new and innovative ways to propose every day. Whichever way you choose, remember, the only thing you have to worry about afterwards is whether or not she'll say "yes".

Very few events in anyone's lifetime require as much thought and preparation as marriage. People want their proposals to be the perfect point of culmination in their relationship.I came across a great post here . Read On to know more about some great ways to propose to Your Object of desire

Men and women both want this day to be a truly memorable moment in their lives. But it seems that there are no new ways to get married anymore because virtually everything has been done. Well, guess again.

Laetitia, will you marry me?
We can all think of typical ways of asking our lovely girlfriends to marry us. The man gets down on one knee and gets out a box with a ring (probably worth a month's salary) before asking her to spend the rest of her life by his side.

This traditional way of proposing still works, and can be categorized as the conventional way of asking a woman to marry you. But these days, women want to be mesmerized with emotion, romanticism and originality. And not necessarily in that order either.

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The following are a mix of both innovative and more traditional ways to pop the question.

1. To the extreme
If your woman is the sporty type, you can propose to her from the heights of a mountain after a day of rock climbing. Other possibilities would be during a parachute jump or a scuba-diving session in South America, or anywhere else for that matter.

2. Make a video
Making a personal video of yourself proposing to her can have a great effect, especially if you are watching it with her. She will likely jump from joy and want to skip straight to the honeymoon...

3. In mid-air
A more public display of affection is to have the captain of an airplane you are on recite your marriage proposal to your woman over the intercom. You can just picture it: "We are now flying over the Grand Canyon and will be arriving at our destination in approximately 45 minutes. And, by the way, Joanna, Michael would like to know if you would do him the honor of marrying him."

Of course, after this, all you should hope for is a "yes" and a safe landing.

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4. My way or the highway
Just imagine driving home from work and seeing a billboard that says "Lucy, will you marry me?" This will have an amplified effect, and the rest of the commuters who see it will hope it works out for you.

They will also hope that she doesn't slam the brakes in excitement.

5. Marriage on the big screen
Let's say you agreed to go see the latest Julia Roberts movie, and right before the movie is about to start, as part of the previews, one frame action simply displays the words: "Maria, will you be my wife?"

What is love? Is it something you can feel? How do people know if they have found the person they could spend the rest of their lives with? It would be easier to know if we've found this person if we could know what love is.

Initially when we meet someone we like there is probably something physical attracting us. We may feel attracted. Then if all goes well - you go out, have a good time, and find you want to spend more time with one another - you may begin to have more feelings for one another. But is this love? Time is the answer to all of these questions and the tester of the relationship.

Keep sex out of the mix. When sex becomes part of the equation things become confusing fairly quickly. Sex is a strong and powerful gift that should only be used in marriage to become more intimate - more intimate than you could without it. Outside of marriage it only serves to destroy any chance of truly knowing if you have love for someone or, if they have love for you.

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If your relationship is based on sex you are on an unstable foundation. If your feelings change so will your desire to have sex, so will your so called feelings of love with this person and, the same is true for them. Sex only works if love is the foundation of a marriage relationship.

Feelings change and this makes it an unstable foundation for a relationship as well. A lot of times feelings change when the bliss of sex has worn off or, the things you can't stand about the other person surfaces with more frequency. Sex will cause you to look past the things you can’t really live with in another person. And when sex fails to work for you, all you have left are all those things that irritate you about your partner.

So what is love? If you can keep sex from coming into the picture the time you spend together can help you find out if you can love the person you're seeing. You will learn what their values are. You will learn what makes them tick and what drives them. You will find out if you could love them through the time you spend together.


Life is Complete with You My Love


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What are the interests you share? What things are you passionate about together? Are there things that get on your nerves - drive you crazy? Can you live with those things? Are you driven by the same things they are driven by? Do all these interests that you both share cause you to draw closer or, do they make you want to spend less time together? If after you have seen all there is to see in a person and you are still drawn then you are ready - Ready for what? -To make a decision.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do. It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

From the bible here is a description of love:

(4)Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (5) or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. (6)It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. (7)Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (8)Love will last forever..(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)


Life's Lonely Without You


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On line dating and free relationship advice - is a web site discussing various methods of on line dating and finding, judging, and using free relationship advice. Also reviews of many on line dating sites.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tony_Tate

Many singles who come to see me often start with "I already know everything about dating and relationships and I do not think I need any coaching, all I want is to know how I can find my soul mate".

When we were teenagers and hopelessly romantic we really didn’t care whether someone was right or wrong for us. We were fascinated with the mere idea of being in love. But many years later, hopefully, we’ve all learned that falling in love for all the “wrong" reasons can quickly turn into a nightmare, a broken heart and can bring much pain and sorrow.

There are many wrong reasons why people want to "fall in love".

Loneliness and desperation

We’ve all been here at one time or the other. You miss the closeness of being with someone who will hold you and make you feel special. So when you meet someone, anyone really, even an ex who treated you badly, you think “this is better than nothing". What starts as a lonely act of reaching out to another human being ends up in a complicated and hurtful relationship. There is never a happy ending to a relationship in which you sell yourself off like second hand merchandise.

Distraction from the problems in your life

Some people get into a relationship to avoid dealing with what is going on in their lives. They believe that a relationship will make it all go away or even better bring passion, purpose and excitement into their lives. When the relationship fails to do this, which is usually the case, they end up in the same place they were before - just themselves and their problems. Then when they are single again, they resolve to better their lives they set goals, buy a self help book and even attend a couple of personal development workshops but this only lasts a few weeks, before they start looking for someone and something to distract them from their problems. It's a dance that never ends.


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Pressure to get married and have kids

We live in a world where people have an age by which we should be married. So you end up having a relationship just because everyone says you should. One day you wake up to the fact that you are not in love with your partner. Whether the pressure comes from your family, your friends or from your own urgency, making a decision to be with someone because of the pressure you feel is giving away your power and happiness. Is it really worthy it?

Replaying childhood roles

Some of us use relationships to avoid growing up. We look for someone who will take care of us or someone who needs us to be mom or dad. This has nothing to do with one partner being younger or older, but about finding partners who are either too domineering or emotionally immature and who we can depend on or who depend on us. If you are a loving and caring person but find yourself stifled by your partner’s neediness or your partners leave you and immediately marry someone else, then may be you need to look at the kind of choices you make and how they mirror your childhood role.

Starving for sex

We each have our own “I got to get some or else I'll go crazy" limit. When you are so horny especially because you haven’t had sex for a long time, you can talk yourself into having a relationship with just about anyone and can come up with so many “good" reasons why having sex with someone you are not even in love with is okay. There is a high price we pay for being horny and indiscriminate - and the highs price is not just limited to below the waist. As a conscious dater, take note of your "sex-hunger" limit and be more careful as the time approaches to avoid jumping into the sack with the wrong people.


The Fragrance of Your Love


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Mistaking sympathy for love

This one was mine and I could easily have earned a PhD in “Love Rescue Missions". It starts out with good intention to "make it up" for someone who has been badly hurt either emotionally, physically or financially and it ends with you feeling guilty for abandoning them too. You find yourself trapped in a relationship with someone who loves and needs you more than you do them. A relationship based on sympathy and guilt - or on the extreme pity - is emotionally and even spiritually unhealthy and will only end up hurting the person you are trying to protect from being hurt.

Lack of wholeness and sense of completeness

If you’ve never had a relationship in which you feel whole and completely fulfilled, it’s time you realized that no man or woman however much they love you will be able to make you whole or complete. Your need for wholeness is really your spiritual hunger. And your need for completeness is your emotional hunger. No one is going to make you happy and fulfilled until you are happy with yourself. What you need is not a relationship but time to discover and love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.

Relationships can be your greatest source of pain or your greatest teacher, and only you can decide which one.

Before you can find and create a healthy relationship or improve the one you are already in, you must truly get in touch with your loving self. Until you are overflowing with love and just can’t wait to give some of that abundance to someone else, you will continue to attract others who bring you more emptiness, more pain and more disappointment. When you enter into a relationship you are also standing in front of a mirror and your partner is the reflection of yourself. When you dislike or reject what the mirror is reflecting back to you, you become angry with your partner. So before you begin wanting a relationship, ask yourself if you are willing to learn more about yourself as reflected by your partner.


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Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christine_Akiteng

Everyone falls in love one time or another but why? We're talking about falling in love. Professor Arthur Aron from State University of New York at Stonybrook, has been exploring the dynamics of what exactly happens when two people are falling in love .


Q: What motivates people to seek out love?

A: Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.


Q: How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?

A: Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!

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Q: Does it always work this way?

A: No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe that another persons finds us attractive — like the Groucho Marx joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.

Q: What conditions are best for meeting someone and falling in love?


A: When you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing — a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance — a time when the body is stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented but the explanations for it are very controversial. I tend to believe that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.

Q: When do we fall in love?


A: Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.


Q: How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?


A: This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.

Q: How do you explain that?


A: We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.


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How Do people fall in Love . What makes us fall in Love A Recent article at BBC Relationships sheds more light on the laws of physical attraction

In some relationships, arguments always seem one sided - with one partner making all the noise as the other quietly calms the storm. It's possible they both have a problem expressing their feelings, but together they're able to reassure each other that emotions are being managed. Different couples will experience it in different ways, but that inexplicable feeling of wholeness you have when you're together is what Henry Dicks, a guru in relationship psychotherapy, called the 'unconscious fit'.
Unconscious fit

All of us carry with us a psychological blueprint, holding details about our life experiences and the marks they've left. It contains information we often haven't acknowledged about our fears and anxieties and our coping mechanisms and defences.

Each of us has an unconscious capacity to scan another person's blueprint. The people we're most attracted to are those who have a blueprint that complements our own. We're looking for similarities of experience but, more significantly, we're also looking for differences.


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Opposites attract

The purpose of this unconscious fit is to find someone who can complement our experiences. That might be someone who's the same as us, but most commonly we're looking for someone from whom we can learn; someone who has developed coping mechanisms that are different from our own.

The ideal partner will be someone who has struggled with similar life issues, but has developed another way of managing it. It seems that our other half is often our best chance of becoming psychologically whole.

Although no two relationships are ever the same, psychologists have noticed that there are some common types of unconscious fit. Do you recognise any of these?

Parent and child - this type of couple often has shared issues with dependency and trust. One partner copes with those issues by behaving in a childlike way. Their hidden belief is that if they remain insecure, dependent and needy their partner will look after them. Their partner takes on the role of parent and by doing so is able to deny their own needs for dependency as they're acted out by the other.

Master and slave - this couple has a problem with authority and control. One partner may feel very insecure if they're ever subordinate, so they're bossy and take charge of every household circumstance. Their partner, who fears responsibility, dutifully toes the line while smugly comparing what they describe as their laid-back attitude to their partner's control-freak attitude.

Distancer and pursuer - both partners are afraid of intimacy but have found their perfect match. The unspoken agreement is that one of them will keep chasing and nagging the other one for more intimacy while the other runs away. Occasionally the chase will swap round.

Idol and worshipper - when one partner insists on putting the other on a pedestal, this often indicates an issue with competition. To avoid any form of comparison, both partners unconsciously agree to play this game.


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There are two other common types of fit based on finding a partner who has a similar problem and a similar way of coping.

Babes in the wood - you may have seen this couple around. They look alike and often wear matching sweaters. They share the same interests and, more importantly, they dislike the same things. They keep anything bad out of their perfect relationship by joining forces against the big, bad world outside.

Cat and dog - on the surface these partners look as though they should never have even met. They argue incessantly over anything. They both avoid intimacy by living in a war zone.

You may see elements of your relationship in all of these types. As we progress through our relationships, it's not uncommon to slip into a certain pattern of behavior. For example, in a time of illness and vulnerability you may act out the parent and child model, while many couples become like babes in the wood following the birth of a child.
Good or bad chemistry?

All fits serve a psychological purpose designed to protect ourselves from discomfort. Most couples aren't aware of their fit until something happens to change it. We all grow and mature, our needs change and our relationships need to adapt to those changes.

Welcome to Love Ecards . Free Love Cards for all . You will find ecards for all kinds of Love whether you are falling in Love for the First time or falling in Love for the Umpteenth Time . You can also ask your Love to give you a second chance in Love .